She was perfectly happy in the living room. She had her stuffed animals. She had her books. She had absolutely zero interest in the baby.
And that was completely fine.
I was there to photograph a new baby in their Crescent Heights home: one of those tree-lined streets just north of Crescent Lake where the bungalows have big front porches and the neighbors stop to chat with one another while they walk the neighborhood.
The newest member of that family was a few days old and mostly interested in eating and sleeping. The older sister, who had strong opinions about both her independence and her favorite stuffed animal, was more interested in her own world. So we let her stay there.
For peace of mind, I never charge extra for siblings or extended family members to be present at your session. These truly are all about documenting your family as you celebrate adding your newest little member to your crew.
Here’s the thing. At some point during the session, she wandered in on her own. Not because we called her over. Not because we asked her to come hold the baby. Just because she was curious, and when she was ready, she showed up. We got some of the sweetest, most adorable pictures of those two sisters together. Not because we orchestrated it, but because we waited.
It’s my favorite way to get siblings involved.
The Full Range of Feelings Is Totally Normal
When a new baby comes home, older siblings feel the full spectrum. Some kids are immediately, fiercely in love. They want to hold the baby, touch every tiny finger and toe, be involved in every single moment.
Others need more time. They might hover nearby without quite making contact. They might be very engaged with their own play, thank you very much.
And some (especially younger toddlers) are genuinely, understandably not thrilled about this new arrangement.
All of those responses are normal. All of them are valid. And all of them are part of your family’s story.
What I’ve learned from doing this over and over is that there isn’t a right way for a sibling to be part of a newborn session.
Your family’s way is the right way.
My job isn’t to manufacture something that isn’t true. It’s to document what actually is.
What Happens at the Start of Your Newborn Session
I don’t walk in the door and immediately start taking photos. Instead, I will chat with you as I get my gear settled, say hi to the other kids and pets, and I pay attention. (Nervous about being in your home? You can read up on what to expect here!)
I’m watching how your older child is already interacting (or not interacting!) with the baby. I’m listening to how they talk about their little brother or sister. I’m getting a read on where they are that day, in that hour.
That starting point tells me everything I need to know about how to move through the session.
If your older child is already nurturing and wants to be hands-on, we’ll build on that.
If they want to lay on their belly and just touch baby’s fingers from a comfortable distance, that’s just as meaningful.
If they’d rather read a book with you in the same room while I photograph baby, awesome. That’s actually one of my favorite scenarios, because it gives me a chance to capture your whole family in your real life, doing what you actually do together.
Pro Tip: when the pressure is removed from the siblings and they don’t have to perform a certain way, they often wander over on their own anyway. It’s like magic, except it’s just basic child psychology!
The One Thing that makes Sibling Involvement Easier
My husband and I call this strategy our “zone defense.” While one of you is with the baby, the other spends one-on-one time with your older child.
This gives your big kid some dedicated attention during what is, let’s be honest, a season where there has been a lot of change overnight. And if that play or reading or snuggling happens to be in the same room where I’m photographing baby? Even better!
You’d be amazed what I can do with a parent and a toddler reading Elephant and Piggie in the background.
Please Stop Apologizing in Advance
Almost every family with a toddler sibling says some version of this when I walk in the door: I’m so sorry in advance…
You don’t have to do that.
Truly.
It is incredibly common for older children, especially toddlers, to have some level of behavioral regression when a new baby comes home. They act a little younger. They have bigger feelings. They need more.
That’s not a behavior problem; that’s a completely appropriate response to a major life change. As their parent, it might feel unsettling to see them differently than you’re used to. But from where I’m standing, it’s just part of the story. (And trust me – I’ve been through it myself!)
Your newborn session is first and foremost about documenting your baby’s earliest days (and I’ve got some great tips for you in this post about preserving heritage while we’re at it!). Think of your older kids as the orbiting planets: they’ll move closer, they’ll move away, they’ll have moments of genuine sweetness and moments of zero interest. I’m going to capture all of it, and I promise it’s going to look beautiful.
How To Prepare Your Older Child Before Your Newborn Session
Talk to your older child about the session ahead of time (you can read this post for more about what to expect in in-home sessions). Let them know who I am, that I’m coming to photograph your new baby and your whole family’s new chapter, and (and this part matters!) that they get to decide how involved they want to be.
If they want to show me how they hold the baby, I’d love to see that.
If they want to just hang out nearby, that’s great too.
If there’s something special they want me to photograph them doing, whether it includes the baby or not, we absolutely will make time for that.
Kids respond really well to knowing what to expect. It takes the pressure off, and it lets them show up as themselves.
Which is, honestly, the whole goal.
